14 years ago
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Reflections
Sometimes I can think straight. Sometimes I can have a logical thought. Sometimes I can't. Today, I have had a few quiet moments where God has allowed me time to reflect on some things.
As I was spending some time with the baby earlier, I was struck with the realization of how dependent he is on me. I've thought about that before with my own kids, but this time as the thought struck me, I began to think about it deeper in relation to myself and Christ. Bear with me trying to put this in to words as my moments of clarity and quiet reflection have passed.
Earlier, the baby began to fuss as he was waking up from his nap. I went in to go get him. As soon as he saw me, a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across his face. He knew me. He trusted whole-heartedly that I was coming to get him and help him. He's hungry, he needs changed, he needs cuddle time...whatever his needs were in that moment, he knew I was coming to meet them. Even in the midst of whatever his struggle was, he knew he could cry out and I would be there. I picked him up and just stood there, praying. God, I want to be this dependent on You. I want to cry out and trust whole-heartedly that you are there, waiting to help me. In my darkest times of need and through all of my struggles, You are there. I know that, yet...I don't always trust it. I want to be in the middle of crying out to You only to feel Your presence and have a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across my face just because I feel You are there.
It's laughable to think about me going into the baby's room and hearing him say, "It's ok...I got this one. I can change myself. I can feed myself. I can handle this." because he can't. How many times do I say that to God? "It's fine, God. I don't need you. I've got this one." Or, I maybe I sound like my 2 year-old, stomping my foot and saying, "I do it." When in fact, I can't. The Lord told the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." I want my weaknesses to be an opportunity for God's power to be made perfect in me.
One of my favorite things is to see my children run into the arms of their Daddy. I love the stretched out arms knowing that he is going to envelop them and hold them tight as soon as they get to him. I love the squeal of, "Daaaaaddy!!!!!" They know his love for them. There is no doubt. Why do I so often doubt the love of my Abba Father? Oh, how I long for the day when I will run into His arms, free of the weight of this world, with a huge, ear-to-ear grin across my face. Who knows? Maybe I will even squeal. ;)
As I was spending some time with the baby earlier, I was struck with the realization of how dependent he is on me. I've thought about that before with my own kids, but this time as the thought struck me, I began to think about it deeper in relation to myself and Christ. Bear with me trying to put this in to words as my moments of clarity and quiet reflection have passed.
Earlier, the baby began to fuss as he was waking up from his nap. I went in to go get him. As soon as he saw me, a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across his face. He knew me. He trusted whole-heartedly that I was coming to get him and help him. He's hungry, he needs changed, he needs cuddle time...whatever his needs were in that moment, he knew I was coming to meet them. Even in the midst of whatever his struggle was, he knew he could cry out and I would be there. I picked him up and just stood there, praying. God, I want to be this dependent on You. I want to cry out and trust whole-heartedly that you are there, waiting to help me. In my darkest times of need and through all of my struggles, You are there. I know that, yet...I don't always trust it. I want to be in the middle of crying out to You only to feel Your presence and have a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across my face just because I feel You are there.
It's laughable to think about me going into the baby's room and hearing him say, "It's ok...I got this one. I can change myself. I can feed myself. I can handle this." because he can't. How many times do I say that to God? "It's fine, God. I don't need you. I've got this one." Or, I maybe I sound like my 2 year-old, stomping my foot and saying, "I do it." When in fact, I can't. The Lord told the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." I want my weaknesses to be an opportunity for God's power to be made perfect in me.
One of my favorite things is to see my children run into the arms of their Daddy. I love the stretched out arms knowing that he is going to envelop them and hold them tight as soon as they get to him. I love the squeal of, "Daaaaaddy!!!!!" They know his love for them. There is no doubt. Why do I so often doubt the love of my Abba Father? Oh, how I long for the day when I will run into His arms, free of the weight of this world, with a huge, ear-to-ear grin across my face. Who knows? Maybe I will even squeal. ;)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The ABC's of 2012
A is for
Addyson. Addy is 8 years-old and in 3rd
grade. She loves purple, pink, and all
things girly. At the same time, she
likes green and red and has no problem keeping up with the boys! She loves tumbling (gymnastics), Barbies,
nail polish, and American Girl Dolls.
She is also a huge horse
lover.
D is for Dog. We gave our dog, Mocha, to a new family this year. The kids miss her very much, but Mommy is kind of enjoying not having a dog around. Somehow the floor under the kitchen table seems really messy all of a sudden…
E is for Excitement or Energy. These are things we never run out of around here!!
F is for Foster care. Nate and Sadie (with the help of some wonderful babysitters) completed ten weeks of foster care classes. We look forward to growing our family in the near future!
I is for Innings. Creighton and Addy participated in Homeschool Softball this summer for the first time. Nate helped out as a coach for Addy’s team. Everyone had a great time and all are excited for next year’s season.
N is for Neighbors. We are so thankful for the neighborhood that God has placed us in! The kids have adopted the next-door neighbor as another grandma. Our neighbors on the other side are wonderful and have been so generous in helping us fix our junky cars!
B is for
Basement. The basement is the favorite
place to hang out in our house! Addy and
Creighton have their bedrooms down there and the big room is full of toys. This is also where the tumbling mats are for
practicing for Homeschool Tumbling.
C is for Creighton. Creighton is 11 years-old and in 5th
grade. He loves video games, video
games, and more video games. Did I
mention he likes video games? Since he’s
not allowed to play video games during the week, he has discovered some other
hobbies. He enjoys tumbling, reading,
and working on Legos.D is for Dog. We gave our dog, Mocha, to a new family this year. The kids miss her very much, but Mommy is kind of enjoying not having a dog around. Somehow the floor under the kitchen table seems really messy all of a sudden…
E is for Excitement or Energy. These are things we never run out of around here!!
F is for Foster care. Nate and Sadie (with the help of some wonderful babysitters) completed ten weeks of foster care classes. We look forward to growing our family in the near future!
G is for
Glasses. Tyson has been through 3 pairs
this last year (possibly 4 pairs by the time you read this letter). Hopefully he doesn’t keep up that pace, but
nothing seems to indicate he will slow down soon.
H is for
Homeschooling. Currently, our kids are
all homeschooled and we love it (most days)!
It brings a new level of crazy to a house with four kids, but we can’t
imagine it any other way!I is for Innings. Creighton and Addy participated in Homeschool Softball this summer for the first time. Nate helped out as a coach for Addy’s team. Everyone had a great time and all are excited for next year’s season.
J is for
Jesus. Our Lord and Savior, our King and
Redeemer. He is the reason that we
celebrate Christmas!
K is for
Kindling. We use a lot of this to light
fires in our fireplace. The fires sure
make our family room cozy and warm!
L is for
Landon. Landon is 2 years-old. He is so
amazingly cute and has all of us wrapped around his finger. He has learned that if he says something with
a cute face and a whiny voice, his siblings will drop everything to help him!
M is for
Monkeys. We have 4 of them! They all love to tumble and climb. We go through bananas like crazy which only
confirms our suspicions that they all really are monkeys.N is for Neighbors. We are so thankful for the neighborhood that God has placed us in! The kids have adopted the next-door neighbor as another grandma. Our neighbors on the other side are wonderful and have been so generous in helping us fix our junky cars!
O is for
Organization. We have tried to become
more organized by adding a closet to Creighton’s room and building storage
shelves and cabinets in the basement. It
seems like we still don’t have enough room for all our “stuff”. I think it’s time to downsize.
P is for
Plumbers. Plumbers have become our friends this year. Tyson and Landon have had a handful of
experiments with flushing foreign objects down the toilets. GRRRR!!
Q is for
Quiet. A very mysterious word….we’re not
quite sure what it means??
R is for
Relaxing. Not quite as mysterious of a word…occasionally we relax by playing
games, reading, watching movies, putting together puzzles, or catching a nap.
S is for
Swing set. Landon and Tyson got a swing
set for their birthdays this year.
Everyone enjoys the swings, the slide, and the climbing!
T is for
Tyson. Tyson is 5 years-old and uses his
cuteness to mask his craziness. He is
our rough and tumble guy who also loves big bear hugs, having his neck rubbed,
and snuggles. He enjoys jumping on the
trampoline and pumping his legs to swing on the swing set.
U is for
Undeserved. We are completely
underserving of all of God’s blessings!!
V is for Vacation. We enjoyed a week at family camp in Clear
Lake, Iowa, a day trip to the state fair, a trip to Wisconsin to visit Sadie’s
sister and her family, a trip to South Dakota for the LifeLight Music Festival,
a couple of trips to Oelwein, Iowa to visit friends, and a couple of trips to
Ocheyedan to visit Grandma and Grandpa! Sadie
also took a solo trip to Colorado to visit a friend.
W is for
Working. Nate is still working at
Broadlawns Medical Center doing community-based mental health social work. Sadie is working baking Butter Braids at
home. The kids are a huge help with the
baking and it has been a fun job to do together!
X is for
Xenophobia. Xenophobia is the fear of
strangers or foreigners. This is
something our kids definitely do not have!
Just so you know, we had to use the dictionary to find an “X” word!
Y is for
You! We are so thankful for all of you,
our friends and family!
Z is for
Zany. Most people think we are pretty
zany for having 4 kids and wanting more!
We get some pretty interesting comments about how many kids we have and
the fact that we homeschool them all!
Sadie’s favorite comment from this year was a guy at the grocery store telling
her she needed a raise!
Merry
Christmas and Happy New Year!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Trusting
WARNING: This is long! Grab your coffee (or a Mountain Dew...I'll understand!) and take a seat. :)
I wasn't going to make a big announcement about this, but I have decided to make an announcement on here at least. I have two reasons for doing so. One, I feel like people have been "left out" and I don't want to hurt any feelings. Two, it is very therapeutic for me to write this all down.
A week and a half ago, we starting suspecting that maybe I was pregnant. On Tuesday night we discovered that I was pregnant and I was miscarrying. I then miscarried on Wednesday and Thursday. I was about 4-5 weeks along.
It's amazing how much our lives changed in one week. We went from not planning on having anymore of our own children (due to the ICP I have during my pregnancies) and pursuing the path of foster care, to thinking maybe we would actually be having one of our own, to losing a child. It's been a whirlwind of emotions.
The Friday before I miscarried, I spent much of the morning crying knowing that I was probably pregnant and not wanting to be. I was deathly afraid of the itching that was possibly to come. I LOVE babies and I do desire more children of my own, but it is so harmful to my body that it scares me to continue on having our own. However, I have prayed that God would clearly reveal to us if He didn't want us to go down the path of taking children for foster care. Maybe this was His answer? Maybe this was His way of shutting that door very tightly for this moment in our lives? Maybe this baby would be a girl and I wouldn't itch? Maybe there is some new ICP research that I haven't heard about yet that will make my pregnancy ok? I had so many questions and thought of so many 'maybes' that my head was spinning! As I spent the weekend thinking about having another child of my own, I steeled myself for what was to come. I was like the Little Engine That Could...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. :) I knew that if I was pregnant, it was what God wanted for us. I trust wholly in Him and His plan for us. So, I was ready...I think.
Discovering I was really pregnant and had lost the baby brought on a huge wave of guilt. I just thought a few days ago that I didn't want this, didn't I? I knew that I was probably pregnant yet still drank all my coffee and some pop. That's a lot of caffeine for a little one...didn't I care? My kids had what the doctor thought was fifths disease a week or so before all of this. Did that hurt the baby? Could I have known and done something different? My initial reaction was intense guilt. If you have ever miscarried, I think you know these feelings. If you haven't, it's ok to tell me, "it's not your fault", but know that I know. I'm just working on accepting it.
Then came the sorrow. I marvel at the fact that not only can I love my 4 children that I have so intensely, but as a mother, I can love my 2 children that I have never met just as much. It's just amazing how much love God has put into a mother's heart. Even though I barely knew this little one existed, I have a fierce love for him/her. Yet, how can I be so sorrowful knowing that 2 of my precious little ones had the privilege of going straight into the arms of Jesus? What a blessing for them to have been spared the pain of this earth! They are roaming the streets of paradise together and I SO cannot wait to meet my Savior along with my precious babies in Heaven.
The tears still come and we are still grieving our loss, but we trust fully in God. He has not forsaken us. He has not allowed this to happen as some sort of punishment to us. This is for His glory. We probably will never know on this side of Heaven how this is going to glorify Him, but I know without a doubt that it will. Knowing that will get us through. We trust fully in Him and His perfect plan.
I posted some words to the song 'God is God' by Steven Curtis Chapman on Facebook as we were miscarrying. "God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, so I’ll never understand it all. For only God is God." This song (that I haven't heard in a loooong time!) popped into my head right away as soon as I knew what was happening. I'm so thankful for God's reminder to me in this. HE is in control. I can't see and understand all that He is doing, but if I'm trusting in Him I need not fear. I can't see the whole picture, but He can see it all and He will not lead me astray.
I feel like I could write soooo much more and maybe I will in the days to come. But, for now, I sign off with this poem that we found helpful after we lost our first baby...
Precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.
But now you're gone... but yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere
You are our sorrow and our joy
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.
I wasn't going to make a big announcement about this, but I have decided to make an announcement on here at least. I have two reasons for doing so. One, I feel like people have been "left out" and I don't want to hurt any feelings. Two, it is very therapeutic for me to write this all down.
A week and a half ago, we starting suspecting that maybe I was pregnant. On Tuesday night we discovered that I was pregnant and I was miscarrying. I then miscarried on Wednesday and Thursday. I was about 4-5 weeks along.
It's amazing how much our lives changed in one week. We went from not planning on having anymore of our own children (due to the ICP I have during my pregnancies) and pursuing the path of foster care, to thinking maybe we would actually be having one of our own, to losing a child. It's been a whirlwind of emotions.
The Friday before I miscarried, I spent much of the morning crying knowing that I was probably pregnant and not wanting to be. I was deathly afraid of the itching that was possibly to come. I LOVE babies and I do desire more children of my own, but it is so harmful to my body that it scares me to continue on having our own. However, I have prayed that God would clearly reveal to us if He didn't want us to go down the path of taking children for foster care. Maybe this was His answer? Maybe this was His way of shutting that door very tightly for this moment in our lives? Maybe this baby would be a girl and I wouldn't itch? Maybe there is some new ICP research that I haven't heard about yet that will make my pregnancy ok? I had so many questions and thought of so many 'maybes' that my head was spinning! As I spent the weekend thinking about having another child of my own, I steeled myself for what was to come. I was like the Little Engine That Could...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. :) I knew that if I was pregnant, it was what God wanted for us. I trust wholly in Him and His plan for us. So, I was ready...I think.
Discovering I was really pregnant and had lost the baby brought on a huge wave of guilt. I just thought a few days ago that I didn't want this, didn't I? I knew that I was probably pregnant yet still drank all my coffee and some pop. That's a lot of caffeine for a little one...didn't I care? My kids had what the doctor thought was fifths disease a week or so before all of this. Did that hurt the baby? Could I have known and done something different? My initial reaction was intense guilt. If you have ever miscarried, I think you know these feelings. If you haven't, it's ok to tell me, "it's not your fault", but know that I know. I'm just working on accepting it.
Then came the sorrow. I marvel at the fact that not only can I love my 4 children that I have so intensely, but as a mother, I can love my 2 children that I have never met just as much. It's just amazing how much love God has put into a mother's heart. Even though I barely knew this little one existed, I have a fierce love for him/her. Yet, how can I be so sorrowful knowing that 2 of my precious little ones had the privilege of going straight into the arms of Jesus? What a blessing for them to have been spared the pain of this earth! They are roaming the streets of paradise together and I SO cannot wait to meet my Savior along with my precious babies in Heaven.
The tears still come and we are still grieving our loss, but we trust fully in God. He has not forsaken us. He has not allowed this to happen as some sort of punishment to us. This is for His glory. We probably will never know on this side of Heaven how this is going to glorify Him, but I know without a doubt that it will. Knowing that will get us through. We trust fully in Him and His perfect plan.
I posted some words to the song 'God is God' by Steven Curtis Chapman on Facebook as we were miscarrying. "God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, so I’ll never understand it all. For only God is God." This song (that I haven't heard in a loooong time!) popped into my head right away as soon as I knew what was happening. I'm so thankful for God's reminder to me in this. HE is in control. I can't see and understand all that He is doing, but if I'm trusting in Him I need not fear. I can't see the whole picture, but He can see it all and He will not lead me astray.
I feel like I could write soooo much more and maybe I will in the days to come. But, for now, I sign off with this poem that we found helpful after we lost our first baby...
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.
But now you're gone... but yet you're here
We'll sense you everywhere
You are our sorrow and our joy
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong
We'll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Marbles on the Highway
At supper tonight, this is the conversation that took place:
Sadie: When I was little, my dad used to tell us to go play marbles on the highway when he was annoyed with us.
Addy: Why?
Sadie: Think about it for a minute...what would happen if you played marbles on the highway?
Addy: Um...the cars would run over the marbles and pop their tires...?
{Everyone besides Addy busts out into laughter}
Creighton (giggling): Addy!! You would get run over!
Addy: Ooooohhhh!!! Well she didn't say 'what would happen TO YOU if you played marbles on the highway' so I didn't know!!
What are we going to do with this girl?!
Sadie: When I was little, my dad used to tell us to go play marbles on the highway when he was annoyed with us.
Addy: Why?
Sadie: Think about it for a minute...what would happen if you played marbles on the highway?
Addy: Um...the cars would run over the marbles and pop their tires...?
{Everyone besides Addy busts out into laughter}
Creighton (giggling): Addy!! You would get run over!
Addy: Ooooohhhh!!! Well she didn't say 'what would happen TO YOU if you played marbles on the highway' so I didn't know!!
What are we going to do with this girl?!
Friday, April 27, 2012
AWANA
Last Wednesday, we enjoyed our last night (awards night) of AWANA for the year! The kids are bummed that they have to wait all the way until September to go back again! Tyson finished his second year of Cubbies (he will go back for a third year since we're holding him back and not starting kindergarten until fall 2013). Addy just finished up in Sparks and will head to TNT next year. Creighton finished his second year in TNT.
Here are some pictures from Awards night:
Here are some pictures from Awards night:
 |
| Creighton |
 |
| Addyson |
 |
| Tyson |
 |
| Creighton, Addyson, and Tyson |
 |
| Mommy & Addy (we are Sparks!) |
 |
| Tyson, Creighton, and Addyson with their awards |
Monday, April 16, 2012
The Psalms Project
I came across The Psalms Project the other day on someone's Facebook Page and it is so neat! Creighton has been working on memorizing different passages in Psalms for school this year, so this is an especially great resource for us! (Those of you using Preparing Hearts this year should really check this out.) Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/user/snheilman?feature=watch
http://www.youtube.com/user/snheilman?feature=watch
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